A Queer Death

Death is an initiation. Death is not the end.
Don’t fixate on borders and categories.

- Anonymous, "First Protocols of Queer Goetia"

SERVICES

An end-of-life doula, or death doula, is an important advocate for those who are nearing the end of their life, and for the loved ones of the dying. Though I am not a licensed medical provider or therapist, and I cannot provide services that would be better provided by someone who is, I do provide invaluable services at the end of a person's life.

Moreover, as a queer end-of-life doula, I will be there to advocate for the dying person in ways that are important to queer and trans folx. I will work against deadnaming, misgendering, racism, anti-Blackness, and focus on uplifting all relationship structures, gender identities, sexualities, orientations, and expressions. I will uphold all the identities of the dying person in all aspects of the services I provide.

PLANNING

SUPPORT

REMEMBRANCE

• Care options •
• Ritual and ceremony planning •
• Burial options •

• Non-medical comfort •
• Fear and grief support •
• Support for friends and family •

• Life and legacy review •
• Creative memorial projects •
• Celebrations of life •

Every body is in the process of dying, and it's ok. Since we're already on the journey towards death, the best we can do is find peace and contentment with the destination. We don't want to meet a total stranger when we get there.

- Iris Gottlieb, "Everything Is Temporary"

Planning

As a queer end-of-life doula, my main goal is to provide compassionate support and guidance to individuals as they navigate the sensitive and deeply personal process of planning for their death. With a deep understanding of the unique needs and experiences of the queer community, I strive to create a safe and inclusive space where individuals can openly express their fears, desires, and wishes for their end of life care.

Through open and honest conversations, I help clients explore their care options (including palliative care, hospice care, home care, and other options), understand the available resources, and make informed decisions about their medical treatment, legal matters, and funeral arrangements.

It is especcialy important for queer and trans folx to document their wishes. In the words of the Family Caregiver Alliance, "many LGBTQ+ people must often turn to their 'family of choice' for caregiving needs. These chosen families are trusted and valued friends who have provided emotional and social support to one another over the years. Without written protections in place, these chosen family members will not be legally recognized, and could very easily be questioned or contested by a biological family member."

Support

An end-of-life doula plays a vital role in providing compassionate support to both the dying person and their loved ones during the end-of-life journey. By embracing a queer lens, I ensure that my approach is inclusive, understanding, and sensitive to the unique needs and experiences of LGBTQ+ individuals and their communities. I create a safe and non-judgmental space where open conversations about fears, hopes, and wishes can take place.

Additionally, I offer emotional and spiritual support, addressing any feelings of isolation or discrimination that the dying person might be experiencing. I also assist in navigating the medical system and advocate for the individual's chosen end-of-life care, respecting their autonomy and self-determination throughout the process.

Moreover, I educate and empower loved ones, equipping them with the tools and knowledge to provide the best possible support to their dying family member. The presence of a queer death doula can truly make a difference, fostering a sense of comfort, acceptance, and dignity during this challenging time.

Remembrance

Another role of an end-of-life doula is to support dying individuals in creating meaningful legacy projects for their loved ones to cherish long after they have passed. With compassion and understanding, I engage in conversations that delve into their personal stories, experiences, and values. By actively listening, I can help them identify the aspects of their life that hold the most significance and meaning.

From there, together we brainstorm and explore various creative avenues to manifest their unique legacy project. Whether it's compiling a collection of personal letters, recording audio messages, or creating a photo album, the possibilities are limitless. Through this collaborative process, I ensure that the legacy project truly reflects and honors their individuality, relationships, and life's journey. I provide gentle guidance and assistance in gathering the necessary materials, connecting with relevant resources, and even coordinating with professional artists or writers, if desired.

I am exasperated that people believe death is the great equalizer. Yes, we all die, but we die of different causes, at different rates, in different ways. There is nothing equal about death, except that we all do it.

- Alua Arthur, "Briefly Perfectly Human"

As a queer person and an end of life doula, I believe in creating a safe and inclusive space where individuals can openly express their unique identities and experiences. I strive to honor and respect the diverse needs and desires of each person I work with, ensuring that their wishes are heard and respected throughout the process. My role involves offering emotional and spiritual guidance, assisting with practical matters, and providing a comforting presence during this vulnerable time. It is an honor to walk alongside individuals and their loved ones, offering support, advocacy, and a listening ear as they navigate this sacred transition.

ABOUT DAIN EVANS

CONTACT ME

If you have questions, concerns, or you'd like to schedule an appointment, please fill out this form.